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Personal life VS career - Corner-Carvers Forums
Just a question for those who are successful both personally and professionally.
I'm 29 years old and work for an auto parts store.
I've never had a career of any kind, or held a job for more than a few years.
Right now, I've managed to climb from counter guy, to assistant manager, to managing the local branch of the stores largest account.
I make about 35K a year now.
This is the first job I've ever had that I would even consider making a career out of.
I'm also nearly 30 years old, the times of jumping from go-kart track manager to cashier at the local rock climbing gym to pizza delivery guy are coming to a close for me.
I have no savings, no retirement fund, no assets, and live pay day to track day.
I'm running out of time to get my life together, and the promotion I'm being offered is a giant step in the right direction.
I was just offered a job on the corporate campus as a procurement specialist.
I procure things constantly for the account that I now manage, and I'm very well thought of in that capacity.
Pay for the new gig isn't tremendously more, only about a $3,000 per year increase.
However, the networking possibilities of working on the corporate campus are tremendous.
Meeting people in parking lots, elevators, etc...
A good friend of mine is the VP of human resources for the company, and seems to think that this is an incredible opportunity for me.
His speech to me used phrases like, "This has the potential to tremendously improve your quality of life." Stuff like that.
Cool, so I got offered a gig with a little better pay and a ton of potential.
Here's the deal.
I live in Raleigh, NC.
This job is in Raleigh, right down the road from my house.
However, I've been dating a girl that lives in MD.
It's gotten serious enough that I was planning to move to MD in the next few weeks.
I had made arrangements to break my lease, get a moving truck, stop utilities, etc...
I'm well thought of enough in my company that I was able to secure a job in the MD area.
The job in MD would just be a lateral move, not a promotion, and certainly won't have the growth potential of the gig in Raleigh.
With the advent of the current offer, I should be reconsidering the move, but I'm not.
I've got the blinders on pretty hard when it comes to this girl, so I'm looking for objective input from someone whose been there.
I know the logical choice is to stay here and rock the new gig, but I can't ignore the emotional aspect of my life (as much as I would like to) so that warrants consideration.
I was hoping someone here had made a similar choice and could offer their opinions?
For those who've made the choice between career and chicks, which did you choose?
Are you happy with the choice?
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What does she have to say about it?
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Any reason the chick can't come to you?
What does she do?
MD to NC isn't THAT far, so if its family or something holding her in MD, she won't be moving to CA;
She'll be a few hours down the road.
The other thing is, how much time have you spent together?
I dated my wife in college and when I was in the Navy, and before I moved to Chicago for her, the most we spent together was a week or two.
A month or 6 months is much different than a week or two.
So my suggestion to you is 1) move her to NC, rather than you to MD, or 2) move to MD and get a job like the one you were offerred in NC, at a different company if necessary.
I moved to Chicago to be with my wife, and while my circumstances were a little different (I was getting out of the Navy, had no job, and could basically live anywhere) I don't love it here.
I deal with it, because she does and our life is here now, but if you sacrifice your promotion for this girl, you may grow to resent her.
Doubly so if it doesn't work out for the two of you.
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I can think of no better use for the old phrase of, "A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush".
Women are great and can help make or break your life.
Unless she's willing to be your sugar momma in MD, then the very least you should do is hang out in NC for a while and at least give the new job a chance.
You've obviously been dating long distance for a while all ready, whats a bit longer while you try to make a better life for yourself and possibly her in the long run?
If you consult her for advice and she makes some big sticky point about you needing to be up there with her, I'd take that as a pretty clear indication of things that are possibly to come down the pike.
Rick
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DON'T ALTER CAREER PATH FOR SOMEONE YOU AREN'T MARRIED TO!
DON'T MOVE IN WITH A WOMAN!
DON'T MARRY! DON'T, DON'T, DON'T HAVE KIDS UNTIL YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!
Chances are that no good can come of it.
Sit down with the hiring manager and your HR buddy separately and discuss "ascension management" with them.
If they don't recognize the term, it isn't a priority of the company and you might want to consider a different one.
If they do recognize the term, tell them where you'd like to be in 5yrs ask them to spell out what is required of you to achieve it.
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There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
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Quote: : There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
"In Russia, men come first and women come second."
"And sometimes not at all, baby, yeah!"
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Quote: : I can think of no better use for the old phrase of, "A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush".
Women are great and can help make or break your life.
Unless she's willing to be your sugar momma in MD, then the very least you should do is hang out in NC for a while and at least give the new job a chance.
You've obviously been dating long distance for a while all ready, whats a bit longer while you try to make a better life for yourself and possibly her in the long run?
If you consult her for advice and she makes some big sticky point about you needing to be up there with her, I'd take that as a pretty clear indication of things that are possibly to come down the pike.
Rick Quote: : True DON'T ALTER CAREER PATH FOR SOMEONE YOU AREN'T MARRIED TO!
DON'T MOVE IN WITH A WOMAN!
DON'T MARRY! DON'T, DON'T, DON'T HAVE KIDS UNTIL YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!
Chances are that no good can come of it.
Sit down with the hiring manager and your HR buddy separately and discuss "ascension management" with them.
If they don't recognize the term, it isn't a priority of the company and you might want to consider a different one.
If they do recognize the term, tell them where you'd like to be in 5yrs ask them to spell out what is required of you to achieve it.
Both above posts are excellent, excellent, excellent advice.
Quote: : There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
Not only is there nothing wrong with it, it should be what you do, period.
That doesn't mean being selfish or self-centered.
It means taking care of yourself in all the long term ways you've admitted that you haven't done to date (ie;
No retirement planning, etc).
It means doing that first so you'll have the wherewithal to take care of somebody else (not just financially, but everything else) as well.
If you don't take care of yourself first, you'll be kidding yourself that you'll be able to take care of anybody else in the future and that no matter how good it is now w/ your gf, if you can't do that, whatever you've got now with your gf won't matter and will likely fall apart when the rubber hits the road.
Bottom line, take the new job.
The way you've described it, it sounds like you already know what to do.
Execute it and build a good life for YOURSELF.
If it was meant to be w/ your long distance gf, then that'll come to follow the good path you lay down for yourself.
Good luck.
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Take the job and try to work it out with the girl.
Edit: I am married to the woman I stayed here for, but to this day part of me wonders what the job/life in Arizona would have been like.
Secondly, money isn't everything, but it's hard to live without it.
It's even harder to live well without more of it.
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Quote: : Rahaim
Not only is there nothing wrong with it, it should be what you do, period.
That doesn't mean being selfish or self-centered.
It means taking care of yourself in all the long term ways you've admitted that you haven't done to date (ie;
No retirement planning, etc).
It means doing that first so you'll have the wherewithal to take care of somebody else (not just financially, but everything else) as well.
If you don't take care of yourself first, you'll be kidding yourself that you'll be able to take care of anybody else in the future and that no matter how good it is now w/ your gf, if you can't do that, whatever you've got now with your gf won't matter and will likely fall apart when the rubber hits the road.
To expand on this thought a bit, and apologies in advance if some of it is a little on the touchy-feely side.
Love is neat, but it's fleeting.
It comes and goes in a relationship.
It changes shape, method of expression, appreciation and reciprocation.
It is constantly morphing.
This shape-shifting love is not what you experience in a dating relationship and CERTAINLY not in a long-distance relationship.
I'm sure Stack can attest to this as well.
In light of the above, consider the following;
Loving someone is but a small fraction of what is required in order to make a relationship work.
First and foremost in my mind, and directly relating to the topic of this thread, is being in a place where YOU are so satisfied with the abundance in your life that you are able to share that abundance with someone else.
By this I mean that you have your shit together.
You are satisfied (or on a known path to that) with your career and your financial place.
You can take care of yourself now and into the future.
You are worthless in a relationship until the above is squared away.
If any of the following are part of the discussion with your GF you need to RUN, not walk away.
- "If we lived together, our combined income would make life so much easier for both of us."
- "If we lived together, I'd be able to work AND go to school"
- "I can't meet my financial obligations with all this back and forth travel.
If we lived together I wouldn't have that problem."
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Quote: : True Love is neat, but it's fleeting.
It comes and goes in a relationship.
It changes shape, method of expression, appreciation and reciprocation.
It is constantly morphing.
This shape-shifting love is not what you experience in a dating relationship and CERTAINLY not in a long-distance relationship.
I'm sure Stack can attest to this as well.
Yup. Long-distance dating while you are in college and/or the Navy was like having one weekend a month where you don't drink all night with your buddies, you stay in and fuck like rabbits.
I used to call it "having a reserve girlfriend" (one weekend a month, two weeks a year.)
Once you get that out of your system, and you will, it changes a lot.
You want to experience that day-to-day before you uproot your life and burn bridges to see how it's going to work for you.
It worked out for me.
But it doesn't for some people.
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Quote: : Stack Any reason the chick can't come to you?
What does she do?
MD to NC isn't THAT far, so if its family or something holding her in MD, she won't be moving to CA;
She'll be a few hours down the road.
She does human resource work for the Federal Government.
It's a pretty good gig for her, and she doesn't want to leave.
In about 1.5 years she'll become what they call "competitive service." Once that happens, she has agreed to move away from MD because MD fucking sucks.
Quote: : The other thing is, how much time have you spent together?
I dated my wife in college and when I was in the Navy, and before I moved to Chicago for her, the most we spent together was a week or two.
A month or 6 months is much different than a week or two.
We've been seeing each other for awhile now, but it's always been long distance.
It's always the honeymoon when we're together.
The longest we've spent together is 5 or6 days, nothing more.
My Ex-wife changed when we moved in together, and most of my married friends agree that things change when you see someone day in and day out.
I'm not afraid of that change with this girl, but I am aware that things will not be the porno style relationship that we have now.
At the risk of sounding like a douche bag, I do love her.
More than I ever loved anyone, including my Ex-wife.
Quote: : So my suggestion to you is 1) move her to NC, rather than you to MD, or 2) move to MD and get a job like the one you were offerred in NC, at a different company if necessary.
She's been to Raleigh a few dozen times and really likes it here.
Infact, her hanging out here is what has caused her to seriously consider getting out of MD.
Quote: : I moved to Chicago to be with my wife, and while my circumstances were a little different (I was getting out of the Navy, had no job, and could basically live anywhere) I don't love it here.
I deal with it, because she does and our life is here now, but if you sacrifice your promotion for this girl, you may grow to resent her.
Doubly so if it doesn't work out for the two of you.
Ultimately, that is what I fear.
Resenting her for it.
I also fear that she'll resent me if she moves here and loses her gig with the government.
In the end, you guys are all right, and I know what I need to do.
I guess I was hoping to hear, "I bailed on my career for this chick, and it has been awesome."
Thanks for the reality check fella's.
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If she doesn't like MD, and she has 1.5 years to go before she can leave, it sounds to me like you two have a pre-built plan.
You just haven't realised it yet.
My advice is to take the promotion, try it out, and continue as things are between the two of you.
In a year and a half you'll know what you can get out of this new job, she'll be able to move if she desires, and you two can figure things out from there.
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Http://corner-carvers.com/forums/sho...ghlight=brazil
Same chick?
You're willing to sacrifice everything with someone that you broke up with and were convinced enough that it was over that you were planning on going international sportfucking?
Good luck with that.
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Quote: : Kinzey In about 1.5 years she'll become what they call "competitive service." Once that happens, she has agreed to move away from MD because MD fucking sucks.
My Ex-wife changed when we moved in together, and most of my married friends agree that things change when you see someone day in and day out.
I'm not afraid of that change with this girl, but I am aware that things will not be the porno style relationship that we have now.
She's been to Raleigh a few dozen times and really likes it here.
Infact, her hanging out here is what has caused her to seriously consider getting out of MD.
Ultimately, that is what I fear.
Resenting her for it.
I also fear that she'll resent me if she moves here and loses her gig with the government.
In the end, you guys are all right, and I know what I need to do.
I guess I was hoping to hear, "I bailed on my career for this chick, and it has been awesome."
Thanks for the reality check fella's.
I moved half way across the country for a girl when I was in my mid 20's, gave up my career to start over in a new state, where I didn't know anyone except her family.
It turned out to be a great move for my career;
I went from a lame C programmer (my skills, not the language) to learning C++, Java, and all sorts of Web tech.
The relationship however didn't last more than a year.
As was mentioned, shit changed once we moved in together and she decided I made enough to cover the bills so why did she need to work.
It was an education both in life and relationships that I rather not have paid for but will never forget it.
Sounds like you two are better off staying put and working on the LDR thing for a year or so.
18 months is nothing when your not that far away from each other.
Plus with a little distance between your not tempted to "live" together so it's easier to have a little time for yourselves and get your shit together.
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Quote: : http://corner-carvers.com/forums/sho...ghlight=brazil
Same chick?
You're willing to sacrifice everything with someone that you broke up with and were convinced enough that it was over that you were planning on going international sportfucking?
Good luck with that.
No, it's a different girl.
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Well that was 3mos ago.
Three months.
Three months ago you were considering going to Brazil for a fuck-a-palooza and now you are thinking about uprooting your entire existence, moving to another state, and shacking up with some other chick?
Seriously?
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Quote: : True Well that was 3mos ago.
Three months.
Three months ago you were considering going to Brazil for a fuck-a-palooza and now you are thinking about uprooting your entire existence, moving to another state, and shacking up with some other chick?
Seriously? Again, no, but I can see why this appears to be the case.
The short version is that I've been seeing this girl for about a year.
Prior to her, I had been in 2 relationships over a 10 year period.
My Ex-wife for 6 years, and a live in girl friend for almost 4 years.
A few months after the live in moved out, I started to see the girl in the LDR.
The LDR started to progress, and slowly became more and more serious.
One day, the subject of moving in together, moving to MD, came up.
I sort of flipped out a bit.
I wasn't ready for anything like that, and I asked her for time to think about the situation.
That is when I was considering the Brazil trip.
I've been with 3 women in 10 years, and ultimately I was concerned that the poon was affecting my judgment.
I was looking to fuck some other girls, in an effort to remove pussy from the decision making process.
After a few weeks of pretty steady deliberation, I decided that I cheating on her wasn't the best way to determine if I wanted to be with her, or just her pussy.
After some more soul searching I decided that living with her was something I wanted to pursue.
There's obviously a lot more to the story, but that is the condensed version.
Right now, my decision making skills aren't being employed properly (cause I'm a fucking dumb ass when it comes to women).
Normally, I would check in with friends or parents in a situation like this to get some view points from the outside, but in this case those that know me are advising me to make the move.
While that is what the emotional side of me desires, the logical side of me disagrees.
While the collective input of C-C.com will not make the decision, I do value the opinion of all who post here.
As I said, I was hoping to read some story about how someone bailed on what was apparently the 'right' decision, and had success.
However, even though that is what I was hoping for, I was fairly certain that I would receive the types of responses that have been posted thus far.
Even though that isn't what I was hoping for, those responses are still valuable, and as much as I don't want to admit it, are pushing me towards the correct decision.
As I said already, I know what needs to be done, I just need to sack up and do it.
Being repeatedly told, by people that I hold a certain amount of respect for, to man up and make the big boy decision, is a good thing for me.
Right now, I have the blinders on pretty hard, and hearing/reading what to do helps reassure me that staying here for my career is the right move, even though I don't want to do it.
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Ever see that Seinfeld episode where George decides to do the opposite of what he normally does- and ends up successful?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvKE3bQlY
There's some truth to it.
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Amateur psychology hat - on.
Seems like you may be a serial monogamist.
I was too. A series of un-fulfilling relationships.
When you aren't in one you want to be.
When you are in one you are looking for the next?
Still checking out Match.com?
Took me six years of being single, dedicated to NO COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS whatsoever.
Took that time to evaluate what it was in women in my past that was good and what drew me to the ones that were bad.
Took me that long to realize that there probably wasn't anything really wrong with any of them (except for my ex-wife who was fucking someone else while I was in Iraq) and that the problem was in fact that I wasn't comfortable with myself and with my life.
I didn't have that sense of abundance.
Without it, I was seeking to fill emptiness in my life with relationships.
I sought that rewarding adoration of a new relationship because my life wasn't rewarding.
The crazy part of it is that not that much has changed in my life as far as work, money and security.
But I learned to appreciate what I have and found fulfillment in who I am, what I do and what I create.
That change allowed me to have a sense of abundance that allowed me to actually have a good relationship with the woman who is now my wife.
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Dude, 30K in MD anywhere near she has a fed job, you are going to be living in a shoe box.
Stay in NC, work your way up.
To hell w/ MD.
-chad
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Quote: : True
Sit down with the hiring manager and your HR buddy separately and discuss "ascension management" with them.
I don't know "ascension management" but it's not hard to figure out what it means.
This advice is questionable (although nearly everything else True said in this thread, including his "I stayed in a Holiday Inn last night so I guess I'm Freud" post, is pretty spot-on).
In an organization so big it has a campus, you need to figure out your potential boss' approach, and if possible, his superior's as well.
If he's the kind of guy that realizes you can win by promoting good people, it's a good move.
The "organization" might favor "growing their own" talent, but if your immediate boss is on a different program, it's not worth the 5 minutes it took HR to write up the blurb in the company newsletter.
If you're aimless - which is sounds like you are - do what you want to do with your life.
Pick a target and go for it.
If you want to be a boy-slave, do it.
If you like procurement, go for it.
If you want to be an astronaut, move to f*ck!n Houston or wherever.
Lots of good advice - esp.
The "if you aren't married, work to make the relationship work, but don't give up YOUR life." Look, you're not Lloyd Dobler anymore, and dreamy stories of people following the girl make great MOVIES, but c'mon - as most "life's questions" threads on this forum go, the original poster knows the answer, they just don't like it.
You know (as DougNuts and Curt Nordin pointed out) what the answer is: Keep the girl, take the job, and 18 months later move into together.
If your coupleness is so great, this will work.
To be sure, you ought to take the longest car trip you can squeeze in (it's like compressing the "living together" time).
As True said, get happy with yourself.
You can be content and well balance, AND be ambitious.
Fix your life, then the relationship thing will work out.
Best of luck.
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Quote: : Kinzey I was looking to fuck some other girls, in an effort to remove pussy from the decision making process.
That seems like a Quote: worth preserving....
I'm always amazed at how popular (in terms of responses in a short time) relationship threads are with this group of tech-oriented, gun-toting manly men.
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Are you with CarQuest?
If so, it seems they are willing to screw most employees at the drop of a hat.
(Based on accounts from the two former CQ employees that I am friends with).
Take that for what it's worth.
Scott
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When I was in college, I was offered a position at Lehman Brothers (of wall st fame)
I turned it down for a gf who didn't want me to move to NY as that would effectively end us.
While I may be on my ass in some street somewhere right now, I also may have about 20-100x my net worth I have now.
I will never know.
I fucking regret the decision every day, just for not finding out.
I can list the things I regret in life on one hand, and this is one of them.
Some of the others still have a similar flavor.
Listen to the advice above.
DO NOT CHANGE YOUR PATH FOR ANYONE BUT YOU.
And don't confuse yourself about what is for you, and what is really for her.
Edit: On the same hand, if what YOU want is to be with her, fucking go for it, or your regret may be the opposite of mine.
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Take the fucking job.
As a guy that gave up two great jobs for personal reasons, Controller trainee for Bechtel to get married, and Assembly Republican Policy Director to be able to participate in my kids growing up, Take the Fucking Job!!
You spend more time at work then you do at home, success at work begats success at home.
If you like your job, you're more likely to like yourself and excell at many endeavours.
If you hate your job, it permeates your being.
It haunts your every breathing moment.
Long distance relationships are a charade, if you can't be personable for 48 hours while you fuck your brains out, you're not even trying.
Everyone is on their best behavior.
Its a sham.
TAKE THE FUCKING JOB!!
The girl thing will work its way out.
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Quote: : While that is what the emotional side of me desires, the logical side of me disagrees.
Always follow the logical side.
I was in the same career path as you at about the same time in my life...auto parts, small time manager, etc.
I never got the offer to move up the ladder at the places I worked, so I bailed and went in a different direction.
For me, that was a wise decision.
If I had not, I'd probably still be working a parts counter at 43 and making only enough to buy an admission ticket to watch a weekend SCCA race.
Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes it easier to live while you persue happiness.
I had an opportunity to ditch my pathetic life here and drive across the country to shackup with a very interesting girl (blonde, blue eyes, and very intelligent) in California I'd met at a race (she was working security;
We wound up talking the entire day.
Never did see the race.) We kept up a correspondence and she suggested I come out to her.
Very, very enticing.
I had nothing keeping me where I was other than my parents who I were still living with and could barely stand.
I thought about it a lot.
Ultimately, it didn't happen.
I think for me I realized I would just be a mooch off her and not change my career path.
The point of this little story, however, is that I have not regretted it.
Thought about it and wondered on occasion, yes, but never regretted.
Follow your brain, not your pecker.
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Go with the promotion.
You yourself said it will be a good oppertunity to network-which will be invaluable in the years to come.
1.5 years will be nothing.
And if she has a smart head on her shoulders she will realize that long term, a promotion for you will be better for her as well.
Alex.
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I was in a similar situation 5 years ago.
I had been dating a girl for 2 years and was offered a job in a province 8 hours away by car.
I took the job, and we did the long distance relationship.
I would fly or drive back every 4-6 weeks (would drive on "long weekends") and she would come out every once in a while.
After a 1 year, I transferred back and we got married.
At the time, I was concerned that moving would end our relationship....but it was a great career opportunity and I'm glad I went.
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Quote: : Spangler That seems like a Quote: worth preserving....
I'm always amazed at how popular (in terms of responses in a short time) relationship threads are with this group of tech-oriented, gun-toting manly men.
Making the wrong relationship decisions can seriously hamper your ability to play with that which we enjoy the tech on, cut into the gun thing and render the title "manly-man" moot.
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Life is all about being "well balanced" - that is, putting yourself first no more, nor less than the people around you.
If you're in the presence of a truly dominating personality, or a truly narcissistic personality, you find yourself constantly putting that person first way more often than you do yourself.
Another mistake a lot of people make (regardless of gender) is making another person responsible for OUR happiness.
An example - I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER/HIM - THEY'RE EVERYTHING TO ME.
If you find yourself coming even remotely close to saying that, then there's a significant chance you're on the verge of becoming co-dependant, which is a bad thing.
Oddly, most people who are prone to becoming co-dependant also have sumissive tendencies too.
When I was younger I was attracted to extremely assertive women.
Always very good looking.
In my later years I came to realise that often, when we're younger we're attracted to people who we intuitively need to learn something from - not always mind you, but often.
Now let's get something very clear here...
Using a public messageboard for free psychological advice is a really lame thing to do.
Consult a professional.
Nothing wrong with asking for career advice of course, but I can't lie to you...
This thread is precipitously close to the "I think I have co-dependancy issues I need to address" kind of thread which shouldn't be discussed in the public domain I rather think.
The hint?
When you made a point of noting that you really do love her.
Man, we've all been there and that's a given.
The point I'm making is that it's unbelievably easy to love someone who isn't right for you.
We've all been down that road at some stage - sounds like you have too.
My advice?
Take the career option, buy a cheap condo or town house, live in it for a while, after a few years let it out and take out a second morgtage on a 2nd property.
Build your wealth, do it responsibly, and always try to do it solo if you can.
Consider doing some graduate studies of some sort...
Business studies perhaps, or perhaps some sort of skills training.
I guarantee you, any employer in the world would rather see one of their workers doing the hard yards, and taking a few days off for block studies at College occasionally to improve themselves than just shacking up with a person and living from day to day.
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While I'm incredibly unqualified to comment on a thread like this, I can't help but think something is missing from peoples' analysis of relationship vs.
Career choices: the chances the career might end abruptly (i.e., getting fired).
So, how does the probability of getting fired or disliking the job compare to the probability of getting dumped or disliking the girl?
I prefer to think in terms of raw numbers here, as it helps me stay detached (and hopefully more logical).
Studies show that most people find stable, long-term relationships very rewarding, so it doesn't necessarily seem logical to me to place the importance of a career above a relationship.
People have noted that a good career can beget a good relationship.
Is this tendency stronger than the opposite effect, of a good relationship begetting a good career?
I'd think it would be, but the question seems worth asking.
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Personally, I would say take the job.
If she is in it for real, she will work it out for the next year and a half, or move to you.
Now, on a personal note, I would advise to never make a career choice using any person other than yourself as a factor in the decision, unless your absolutely must (i.e.
Kids, family in need, etc.) If things do not go well, you may not know what or WHO to blame it on.
You may end up hating your girlfriend or future spouse for "ruining your life" as some people like to say.
If you make your decision using only yourself as a factor, you only have yourself to blame in the end, instead of living with someone you blame for your shortcomings.
Try this, re-read this entire thread as a third person POV.
Good luck with your decision.
Fred
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Hot corporate girls are.
.. . Wait I am married .
Seriously take the job if she is for real she will make it work (you will be making more $$$ after all) If she bitches look at is as a warning.
The next move should be to duck and weave my friend.
If she is cool with it then you probably have a keeper!
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Take care of yourself first.
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While I agree with Ive on this one (even Craigslist has a psych forum).
Similarly, it pisses me off when someone asks for advice because they suspect trouble, then whine and make excuses because no one provided the magic answer that they so despirately wished to hear.
Regardless, there is some terrific advice in this thread and it's entirely consistent from a bunch of guys who have (like me) inevitably learned the hard way.
Man up and take the advice, Josh.
You knew the correct answer before you asked
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Look around you. There is a reason there are so many people from Maryland, New Jersey, New York, etc.
Living in North Carolina.
Nothing against the area up there, but I have lived all over the world and I am perfectly happy in Naught Cackalacky.
Like everyone else stated, take the job and work on your career first.
You need to be happy with what you do 50% of your waking life.
-Kevin
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I've seen some nice parts of Maryland but I've seen many nicer places in NC.
Asheville, the Outer Banks, etc.
There are top notch schools and it's turning into the new Silicon Valley.
Companies are leaving CA in favor of the research triangle.
Last time I was in Charlotte it seemed like most of downtown was under construction, and it was already pretty nice to start with.
Once that's done I imagine it will be amazing.
All of that aside you shouldn't gamble on an untested relationship, given your desires to mature your lifestyle.
If the girl is worthwhile then she'll understand and it will work out.
If she doesn't understand then you dodged a bullet by finding out what kind of person she is now rather than after you moved to MD.
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Quote: : While I'm incredibly unqualified to comment on a thread like this, I can't help but think something is missing from peoples' analysis of relationship vs.
Career choices: the chances the career might end abruptly (i.e., getting fired).
So, how does the probability of getting fired or disliking the job compare to the probability of getting dumped or disliking the girl?
I prefer to think in terms of raw numbers here, as it helps me stay detached (and hopefully more logical).
Studies show that most people find stable, long-term relationships very rewarding, so it doesn't necessarily seem logical to me to place the importance of a career above a relationship...
Grant, the original poster is at a crossroads in his life.
He either jumps through this wormhole right now or he's a parts-counter / waiter for the rest of his life.
30 is kind of the go/go-go point in life.
Once you have that corporate cred on your resume, I think you can flirt with girl v.
Job pathos, but he had best not do that at this time.
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Quote: : While I'm incredibly unqualified to comment on a thread like this, I can't help but think something is missing from peoples' analysis of relationship vs.
Career choices: the chances the career might end abruptly (i.e., getting fired).
So, how does the probability of getting fired or disliking the job compare to the probability of getting dumped or disliking the girl?
I prefer to think in terms of raw numbers here, as it helps me stay detached (and hopefully more logical).
Studies show that most people find stable, long-term relationships very rewarding, so it doesn't necessarily seem logical to me to place the importance of a career above a relationship.
People have noted that a good career can beget a good relationship.
Is this tendency stronger than the opposite effect, of a good relationship begetting a good career?
I'd think it would be, but the question seems worth asking.
...and to add to Ken's thoughts....
IF he does go to MD and the job doesn't work out he's out of work in a place with a very small and tenuous at best, support system.
Sounds like the kid has been in NC for a while.
That network is invaluable if something goes sideways with a new job.
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