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Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? - TheologyWeb Campus

Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? This was inspired by Fred Flanders' thread about him fancying a 15 year old when he was 27. I became pregnant at 17 to a bloke who was 42 at the time.

We had been living together for a bit first.

At the time I believed myself to be emotionally and intellectually mature enough to handle such a relationship - which in retrospect was ridiculously naive.

We were engaged at one point, but I saw sense and broke it off, for numerous reasons.

He treated me like an errant teenager (which I was) and definitely not like a respected equal. It's been two and a half years since we split, and we actually get along much better now.

I call him a perv, though, when we're talking in a relaxed way;

Because - really - I was little more than a child, and he totally capitalized on the situation.

He admits that if a bloke did a similar thing with our daughter he'd break his neck. What are people's experiences and thoughts on age gap relationships? Also, how do we know that we're mature enough to actually be in a relationship based on equality and mutual respect? I would venture my personal philosophy: When you can function reasonably on your own - steady personal income, an ability to do your own household chores;

Then you can enter a relationship without being a drag on the other person.

It would probably also be helpful to have enough money saved to contribute half towards a deposit on some capital as well. I am not mature enough for a relationship yet :lol: I would be a drag on a mature partner, and probably be dragged down by anyone immature, at least that's how I see it.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? Quote: : (Post 2735608) What are people's experiences and thoughts on age gap relationships? Also, how do we know that we're mature enough to actually be in a relationship based on equality and mutual respect? I would venture my personal philosophy: When you can function reasonably on your own - steady personal income, an ability to do your own household chores;

Then you can enter a relationship without being a drag on the other person.

It would probably also be helpful to have enough money saved to contribute half towards a deposit on some capital as well. I am not mature enough for a relationship yet :lol: I would be a drag on a mature partner, and probably be dragged down by anyone immature, at least that's how I see it.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? The most successful marriages are ones that start later in life.

The percentage of non divorce goes way up after 25.

There's something to dealing with issues of age and maturity before getting hitched. i fell for a girl when I was 25.

I assumed she was at least close to that.

It turned out she was actually 19 and still in school.

Her parents approved of the dating so we continued for a while but it was clear eventually that we were just at two different stages with different expectations and wants.

She was just beginning to stretch and I was just beginning to want to settle down. She remains a very cool person but I'm glad we didn't pursue anything further. The reality, though, is that some age differences don't really matter.

But those are, in general, the exception not the rule.

You hear stories of big age differences being successful but by and large those are anecdotal and not reflective of the over all picture.

(I say this as someone educated for and engaged in pre marital and marriage counseling.) The reasons that such marriages have a lower success rate are common sense ones: maturity, goals, expectations, experience.

Especially for a young girl who gets involved with a much older man.

Immediately she is unequally yoked in many cases as the relationship more closely resembles a parent child relationship as she is completely dependent in every way on the man for every need from shelter to food even to personality development that you would typically develop over many years in many different relationships (romantic as well as non romantic) as you worked out your own sense of self. So my advice is to wait.

Wait until after college at least.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? I think I can agree Pilgrim. Also, I have admit this.

The older I get (now past 25) the more I realize that maturity doesn't correlate with age like you think it should.

I known several people in the 23-24 range that still act like eighteen year-olds living in their first apartment.

(One of their mothers acts like "one of the girls" in this respect too!) Yet I've also met 19-year olds who act very mature in their relationships and other aspects of life. Because of this, I am personally trying harder and harder not to judge girls' by their ages.

I have misjudged those younger than I more than once, to my regret. Regarding you situation it sounds like a classic case of "being naive" which you have already courageously admitted.

I also think you are right about what maturity level you should have before getting into a relationship.

Knowing how to handle money I think is a big sign of maturity in our society.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 25.

We were married when I was 18 and he was 27. We are going to celebrate our 37th anniversary in January.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? There are always great stories like that.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? Yep. I don't advocate it for everybody, that's for sure.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? 9 years is a drop in the sea when you're a billion.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? Quote: : Executor (Post 2736526) 9 years is a drop in the sea when you're a billion.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? Quote: : (Post 2735828) So my advice is to wait.

Wait until after college at least.

Re: Age Gap Relationships/When are we Ready for Relationships? Quote: : Tolerance (Post 2735751) I can't address the first question because I never gave it any thought.

I only know that historically speaking, partners being of comparable age is a modern phenomenon.

In fact, it was common practice for an OLDER gentleman to marry a girl who had basically just started to menstruate.

After all, an older man would be (all those qualifiers in your personal philosophy) financially established, which is all that mattered (because you didn't have the programs that we have in place now to aid the poor).

Of course, women were at the mercy of their husbands, too.

I imagine that even now, a younger girl would be at the mercy of the older male.

Taking your "personal philosophy" into consideration, my wife and I wouldn't have married at the ages of 21 and 20.

I had no degree, no job, no credit, when we tied the knot, and she had even less.

Marriage for love is also a modern phenomenon....

Knowing how to handle money I think is a big sign of maturity in our society.




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