Welcome to Omgili,
Omgili ( Oh My God I Love It ;) is a search engine for discussions. With Omgili you can find answers and solutions, debates, discussions, personal experiences, opinions and more... To learn more about Omgili click here.
This is a complete preview of the discussion as it was indexed by Omgili crawlers. Use this preview if the original discussion is unavailable.
Click here to view the original discussion.
 |
|
 |
|
How to speak English properly - The WoodenBoat Forum
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
(They're old hat)
6.
Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7.
Be more or less specific.
8.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9.
Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10.
No sentence fragments.
11.
Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13.
Do not be redundant;
Do not use more words than necessary;
It's
highly superfluous.
14.
One should NEVER generalize.
15.
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17.
One-word sentences?
Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19.
The passive voice is to be ignored.
20.
Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.
Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
21.
Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22.
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23.
Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-
shaking ideas.
24.
Eliminate quotations.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations.
Tell me what you know."
25.
If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole;
Not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26.
Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28.
Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
30.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And the last one...
31.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Wonderful advice for Ms.
Palin! Someone forward this to her!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Gotta love the first on the list.
"Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects."
Who made this list up, a moron or a joker?
I agree with much of the rest of it, but you can't lead off a list like this with such an obvious error.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
And just to reinforce Ishmael's observation, closing the list with an error reduces impact, to say nothing of having egrigious errors in each and every line.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Are you being serious Jack?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
So, is it a mistake or not?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Majer so, is it a mistake or not?
It's an error, but not a mistake.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : It's an error, but not a mistake.
Well, now I understand less and less...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Majer well, now I understand less and less...
It's an error done purposefully, to illustrate the misuse mentioned.
Each line is the same.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Except
No sentence fragments.
Though that is an uncommon verb.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : It's an error done purposefully, to illustrate the misuse mentioned.
Each line is the same.
Ah! I noticed it, but I interpreted differently: I thought that each line affirmed just the opposite.
For instance, in my opinion (well in Italian at least) it isn't incorrect to start a sentence with 'And'.
---
Anyway, you are saying that an error is done purposefully, while a mistake isn't?
(I have never found this difference in my dictionaries).
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: :
Who made this list up, a moron or a joker?
Reread it attentively .
The answer will come to you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Majer Anyway, you are saying that an error is done purposefully, while a mistake isn't?
(I have never found this difference in my dictionaries).
No. I'm saying these errors are done purposefully.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
And why aren't they mistakes?
(I haven't understood the difference between error and mistake).
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anthony: each sentence violates the rule being discussed.
So, each sentence is in error.
BUT they are INTENTIONAL errors for the purpose of humor.
The entire list is intended to be a joke.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Antonio, the purpose of each line is to demonstrate the error it pretends to criticize.
The errors are intentional, therefore not mistakes, but still errors.
Some of them are actual errors, and some are just things that blow-hards say to make others feel inferior because of their speech and writing habits.
For instance, there isn't really a problem with splitting infinitives in English.
"To boldly go" is the most prominent example.
And I have no problem with starting a sentence with a conjunction, such as "and".
Dan
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Majer and why aren't they mistakes?
(I haven't understood the difference between error and mistake).
I'm pulling your leg.
In this usage, there isn't much difference between error and mistake.
I'd prefer error, however, because of the presence of "mis" in mistake.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : It's an error, but not a mistake.
Some here just have no sarcasm meter, do they Donn?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Pless Some here just have no sarcasm meter, do they Donn?
It's likely his meter is calibrated differently.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Some of them are actual errors, and some are just things that blow-hards say to make others feel inferior because of their speech and writing habits.
Thank you all, I think that Dan hits the problem.
I think there is a contradiction in that list, some statements are a clever way to demonstrate that each rule may not be respected to get a particular effect, while others are only jokes
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Jokes are certainly the hardest thing about other cultures, never mind foreign languages.
When I lived in the UK for a few years I was always having to ask my mates what the heck was so funny about most jokes.
Embarasing for me, boring for them...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : When I lived in the UK for a few years I was always having to ask my mates what the heck was so funny about most jokes.
Embarasing for me, boring for them...
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog...
Not fun for anyone and the frog dies.
Kaa
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have circulated that to several Chinese colleagues..we shall see...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, that generated some discussion
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am supprised at the number of folks who didn't seem to get it at the first!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Some of the reactions are as funny as the original post.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : It's an error, but not a mistake.
It's an illustration .
Great stuff !
I've emailed it to 6 friends .
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Jokes are certainly the hardest thing about other cultures, never mind foreign languages.
When I lived in the UK for a few years I was always having to ask my mates what the heck was so funny about most jokes.
Embarasing for me, boring for them...
Similarly when I lived in the UK in the mid 60´s/early 70´s, neither myself (a non-Brit) nor my British acquaintances were able to fathom Woody Allen´s humour when initially confronted by it.
Currently there is a great deal more comprehension on this count, although some of the finest British humourists are still unbeatable (c.f.
The BBC´s 'Bird and Fortune' duo)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : It's an illustration .
Keerect!
I shouldn't have had it on with our Italian friend.
I truly admire folks who grew up with a different language, and can converse in English.
I've had several instances recently, where I was unable to understand English speakers.
Some of the Cricket players and commentators are downright foreign!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: :
I've had several instances recently, where I was unable to understand English speakers.
Some of the Cricket players and commentators are downright foreign!
The Training Manual
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
^^ and then there's the subcontinental dialect.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I need to get one of these.
So that when somebody down under asks for a Go, I can give them what they're asking for.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Stazzer-Newt Except
No sentence fragments.
Though that is an uncommon verb.
Nice point.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!
Jack Keruoac
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When I was younger the Aussie kids would ask for a "go" when they wanted a turn at something.
Does it mean something different now?
And while we had erasers they had their rubbers.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I gotts symphony for youse dat cant speak as well as me..
I see sum of youse moiderlize the English language.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If anyone else can remember the BBC mini series on the growth and spread of the English Language
All you have to do to speak 250 years worth of proper English is to have grown up In the Pioneer Valley of western Massachusetts and part of north western Connecticut prior to around 1980 or so.
Slightly clipped speech with some of the best annunciation in the world.
No slurrs, definitive comment always in the positive mode not the false negatives used by most English language speakers.
Example is most say "I Don't think so"...
Whereas most pioneer valley folks and those from the greater pere CT river vallye here in NH and VT would say "I think it is Not so ." In modern times since the late 1950s even here it has been shortened to "I think Not"
I can go on and on as a lifelong student of language anthropology.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
How about thread on the proper use of apostrophe's?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Whooooa... I didja thunk, I suree reed nat betta I coud speek...
No siree I ned no less'n taday on hi ya speek unglick..
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have to confess my knowledge of English grammar is quite limited.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Don't you mean: "How to speak English propley?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When you tell a joke to an Australian, he laughs 3 times.
When you tell it.
When you explain it and when he gets it!
When you tell it to a Canadian, he laughs twice.
When you tell it and when you explain it.
He never gets it!
When you tell it to an American, he laughs once.
When you tell it.
He doesn't stop talking long enough for you to explain it, and he never gets it!
When you tell it to an Englishman, he doesn't laugh.
He's heard it before, and anyhow his version is better.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : I gotts symphony for youse dat cant speak as well as me..
I see sum of youse moiderlize the English language.
Jeesum, dintja git lurned nuthin inn skool?
Dat shud bee:
I gotts symphony for youse what cant speek as gud as me..
Send him to school and all he does is play with the teacher.
'course she's 10 years younger....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : when you tell a joke to an australian, he laughs 3 times.
When you tell it.
When you explain it and when he gets it!
When you tell it to a canadian, he laughs twice.
When you tell it and when you explain it.
He never gets it!
When you tell it to an american, he laughs once.
When you tell it.
He doesn't stop talking long enough for you to explain it, and he never gets it!
When you tell it to an englishman, he doesn't laugh.
He's heard it before, and anyhow his version is better.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Quote: : Send him to school and all he does is play with the teacher.
'course she's 10 years younger....
W .... no wundar he didna nuthun dun....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
Ending with one is okay but.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry you guys but this was just too good, not to put here.
http://www.dribbleglass.com/Jokes/illiterate.htm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|