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The Law Report I: The Trial of Cena and Orton? - LOPforums.com

Hi there, I’m fenixx and this is the first edition of the ‘The Law Report’.

I’ve been more of an observer around the Columns Forum but I thought I’d have a go at writing my own material.

But, I also have been a keen observer of feedback given to the great columns in these forums and I reckon I might be able to make this look more adequate than the usual standard of a debut column. Columns are a vehicle for thoughts on wrestling and my columns will be no different.

As court cases go, or according to TV shows, a lawyer stands up, presents his evidence and then sits down with a fat grin on his face.

My columns will be similar, but without the pay.

I present the evidence, you weigh it up and leave some feedback.

Gotta love that metaphorical goodness. OPENING STATEMENTS So, I’m not only new to this column writing business, I’m also pretty new to wrestling in general.

I’ve gotta admit I only really started watching wrestling in early 2007.

Well, watching what I can really.

I’m 17, with no cable, but I love Youtube and its many uploaders. Anyway, I came into wrestling just before the 2007 Royal Rumble.

Watching that event, two people really caught my eye.

Looking back at that event, one might be inclined to think those two people would be the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels after their epic encounter.

Nope, the people I’m talking about are Randy Orton and John Cena Orton stayed in the Rumble for almost half an hour and his in-ring interactions with Edge were awesome.

I was watching the Rumble with a mate, and he was explaining how they’d been tagging for a while now.

And if this guy, along with Edge, didn’t look cool enough, he pulled out the RKO.

It was a thing of beauty.

It was sudden, and like a moment in an action movie that startles you and makes you tell the guy next to you, “Dude, did you see that?” Cena looked like a musclehead, pure and simple.

Yet that’s what made me like him (no homo).

I have an enormous respect for people that keep themselves in shape as well as the entrance music.

Here I was thinking that wrestlers strut towards the ring backed by catchy guitar riffs or creepy music, and this guy comes out to horns and hip-hop.

What really caught me was the STF(U) he pulled on Umaga.

The whole thing with the ring ropes and Umaga’s eyes about to pop out… words can’t begin to describe how awesome it looked. Yet now, the IWC hates on the feud between these two with a passion.

I gotta admit, I dreamed of these two feuding for a while, and when it was announced they were fighting for the WWE Title at Summerslam I was amped.

Two years on, they’re still going at it, and I’m ready to admit maybe too much of a good thing does suck.

Look no further that this week’s RAW as an example.

May I present Exhibit A. EXHIBIT A As you'd know, this Monday Night’s RAW had John Cena facing off against Big Show, Chris Jericho and Randy Orton.

That’s not what I have a problem with;

It’s the stupidity of the actions between Orton and Cena in the main event. The first major gripe I have was when Orton was making his entrance.

The tactics that Jericho and Big Show pulled were pretty cool.

The week before, many people were complaining that ‘Super Cena’ would take over and demolish all three men in the Gauntlet Match.

Yet the intentional disqualification by the Unified Tag Team Champions so cause as much harm as possible to Cena was a nice twist. Enter Randy Orton.

No that sounds wrong.

Enter Randy Orton extremely slowly .

Let me paint you a picture.

Cena is limp (no homo) in the ring after getting manhandled by the Big Show.

He’s got no energy left and can barely pull himself up.

Yet Randy Orton “slithers” his way to the ring, when he could rush into the ring and beat the hell out of Cena.

Now although that would leave about half an hour of RAW left, it seems a whole lot better than watching something as unbelievable about what I was watching. In the time that Orton took to get to the ring, Cena was struggling to his feet.

By the time Orton was inside the ring, Cena was signalling to Orton that he’s going to get an ass kicking.

I mean, I understand the whole thing about his gimmick.

The calculating and knowledgeable Viper, according to Michael Cole.

Sounds a lot like the calculating and knowledgeable Game, Triple H.

Yet Triple H would be running to the ring with a sledgehammer, itching to kick Cena’s ass.

And Orton wonders why he has trouble beating Triple H.

Moving onto Exhibit B. EXHIBIT B So following the ten minute entrance by Orton, Cena gets up and points up.

Out of nowhere, a ‘Hell In A Cell Cage’ lowers and surrounds both men.

The main problem I had with this was Orton’s attempted escape.

The guy rushed down to the ‘padded floor’ and had his hands underneath the cage when Michael Cole exclaims that he could have been crushed by five tons of steel! Maybe I’m a sceptic, but that doesn’t look like five tons of steel.

But that’s not my main problem.

Michael Cole is destroying this feud.

There, I said it.

A lot of people hate on Michael Cole, and back when he was on Smackdown!, I didn’t mind him.

Maybe because of JBL’s charisma overshadowing Cole's inadequacies.

But now that Cole is next to a man who has nothing to add because he's banned from describing his boner over the Divas...

Let's just say that the commentating on RAW sucks. Look at Cole’s commentary concerning Orton’s actions over, say, the past year.

It’s littered with ‘Why’s’ and the same old adjectives about Orton walking to the ring.

He adds nothing to the story, other than the word ‘vintage’.

When he tries to add something, he gets it woefully wrong and his respect points go, if possible, lower.

My hope that he leaves is kinda squashed though.

I mean, the Rock and JBL hung shit on him for years and he still has the self-esteem to go out and commentate when he knows that not many respect him as a commentator.

It makes me wonder how he's keeping his position in the company. Pair this idiot next to a monkey with cymbals in the form of Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler and it’s destructive.

People wonder why RAW is stale and you have to look no further than the people that you hear the most.

I know that these are their roles but after all their years commentating, you’d think that they could lift their games a bit.

I’ve seen crowds chanting ‘Same Old Shit’ but maybe that should be directed at someone more deserving.

After all, it is the wrestler’s role to hold their gimmick, it is the commentator’s role to be exciting and punchy, while discussing what’s happening.

One assumes that when they watch ‘sports entertainment’ that they would be entertained.

Give up, or get out Michael Cole.

Either say something constructive or join him Jerry Lawler.

Lastly, Exhibit C. EXHIBIT C So when this cage lowers, the viewer assumes that all hell is about to break loose.

There’s going to be carnage, bodies hitting steel and blood.

Lots of blood. I’ll get to my issues with blood a bit later.

My big problem with this main event was why the Cell?

Why the hell (no pun intended) would Cena need the Cell to beat up Orton.

I mean, he was pretty much on his feet by the time by the time Orton was in the ring.

Was it that hard to get a chair?

Or use an announce table?

I mean, he’s battered, bruised and just got pummelled by the Big Show and Jericho, and then signals for the most “demonic” structure in sports entertainment to be pulled down?

It’s foolish and idiotic, but it gets worse. All of a sudden, Orton is scared because the Cell is closing around him.

My question is why?

He had Cena struggling to even get to his feet, trapped in a steel structure… and he tries to run.

Keep in mind, this is after all the promos about him having experience in the Cell.

So are we supposed to discard all that information about experience?

Or is the writing team on Raw just that bad at telling a story? My guess would go with option B.

The writing team is in charge of making arguably the top two representatives of the WWE look good.

I mean, their feud in 2007 wasn’t bad, but does anyone even know why they’re so pissed at each other?

Obviously, there’s the whole ‘he’s got my title, I want my rematch’ angle, but that’s it.

There’s no fire in the feud, the promos consist of Orton saying I’ll do anything to get my title back and Cena laughing it off before punching Orton. Although this feud has been arguably done to death, I still believe that it could be good, if it was written right.

I’m not one for fantasy booking, but they could simply make the whole thing look believable.

A grown man, no matter how strong he is, should not be able to take a beating by two men, recover and then scale a twenty foot structure.

I’ll suspend my disbelief, but this is the first time, in my short experience of watching wrestling, that I’m bored by the main feud on RAW.

The prosecution rests. <Insert Title> Phew, so that’s number one in the books.

As you can see… I have no title for this section.

I’m game for any recommendations if you’ve got any, Also, I’m new to the whole images and flashy title stuff, so any help with that would be awesome.

This section will probably be just about thoughts on life and general wrestling.

I don’t want to go on for long though, I think I overshot the boundaries on my main stuff. Tomorrow’s Hell In A Cell should be… terrible.

If I watched all the matches individually, it would be fine, but watching three Cell matches back-to-back would bore me.

Just a bit of overkill, Mr.

McMahon. I’ll be at school though, so I won’t be able to watch this one live. Speaking of school, I’m not sure when my next column will come around.

Exams are in a month-ish, and I’m shitting bricks.

They're pretty much the equivalent of the exams you get in your final year of high school, they call it VCE down here. Anyway, you be the judge, tell me where I’ve gone wrong and where I’m right.

Weigh up the evidence and deliver your verdict.

Is it Cena and Orton ruining this feud, or the backstage work of certain individuals?

The RKO sucks, as the faggot looks as if he's floating downward.

Randy sucks period. You have a very nice gimmick going here, and it's good to see you took feedback left for others and kept in mind when writing your own.

You'rea welcome addition to the CF dude, kudos. Also, why not "Closing Statements'.

Sounds cheesy, but an official term int he courtroom. As for criticisms, work on your spacing.

Verdict: I hearby declare the defendents, John Cena and Randy Orton, guilty of 1st Degree Boring-Ass No Direction Fueding.

You are right in everything you said except for the Michael Cole exibit.

It's a wrestlers job to tell their own story and not rely on commentators who can't be themselves because they have Vince screaming in their ear to be all PG and shit.

A few grammatical errors, but nothing major.

It was a solid first post and I enjoyed your court theme also. But I can't wait to read who else you put on trial here on LOPForums.

Your writing wanders a bit;

Paragraphs should feature a single idea that advances the overall message of your piece.

Never stray from your intended subject until which time you are ready to begin a new idea.

In this way you will not only offer more breathe to your argument, but it will be better communicated to your audience and is less likely to contradict itself from introduction to conclusion. More important than your presentation, you really need to watch more wrestling.

Get yourself some Pro-Wreslting NOAH, some All Japan Women’s and a healthy dose of Tiger Mask vs.

Dynamite videos as soon as possible.

I might even recommend some lucha if you can tolerate it – I for one cannot.

Do not confuse this as a condemnation of your ability, rather that I believe you will prefer a reticence once you see what more you will want to know before which time you desire to offer commentary. The need to watch more before you truly want to analyze is less obvious today than in the past.

With eight hours of first run television and a host of replay shows per week, there is such an over saturation of product at the moment to be staggering.

In your two years of fandom, you have likely been so steeped in wrestling product that it feels like a lifespan.

Trust me when I say it is just a drop in the bucket.

I get the impression you understand somewhat. Hopefully, wrestling’s overextension as an entertainment medium and how it relates to your own theories also has not been lost on you.

The issue of Cena and Orton is exactly the amount of TV time they have shared and the lifespan of it.

These two, along with a few others I would note, have been on top for longer than you have watched the quasi-sport.

The majority of fans who have had voices long enough to change are tired of the act currently offered by WWE.

Until which time as the WWE is willing to invest in new stars to offer their current main event crew a new set of matches expect the stagnation you are beginning to experience to raise to the levels of full scale boredom.

Without new challengers you should expect these two will cross paths again and again – guilty as charged. <Insert Title>

Quote: : Rising Just for the record, not to sound like a dick, .

But you managed it really well anyway. Pretty good debut Fenixx.

I like the gimmick you've got, there were a couple of spelling errors but they weren't enough to seriously affect (effect?) the quality of the work so well done. Read you next time.

Uncle Joe - I dunno, from all the Evolution vids I've watched, he seemed pretty cool back then, but i reckon the RKO looks better than the Punt.

Thanks for the feed though, I reckon I'll go with Closing Statements from now on Phoenix Rising - For me, it's not just the wrestling, I like hearing the opinions of others and some background info on what I'm watching.

Their reactions can get someone more into the match and make moments more memorable.

I mean, Kane's debut was badass, but McMahon's reaction added so much more to his debut... I didn't mean to rub you the wrong way (no homo) though, I wasn't intending on putting in any Phoenix references into my column, i mean it wouldn't really fit the gimmick anyway.

I just had the name from another forum and i used it here, didn't intend any harm, but sorry if it looked like I was stealing your name or anything. Rommel - I've heard nothing but good news about the indy scene and wrestling outside the US does look pretty badass.

Not to sound like I'm making excuses but with exams coming up, I'm trying to cut down on distractions.

I'll be sure to dip a foot instead of a toe in the pool of wrestling as soon as I can though, thanks for the feedback Vikodin - Haha, from memory, I think affect is the verb and effect is the noun.

I forget that all the time anyway.

Thanks for the advice though.

I remember you commenting on one of my old columns;

I usually remember the comments of those who are readers and not writers.

It was nice to see you write one.

I think you have a ton of talent, yet there are a few things that you need to work out. Take Rommel’s advice.

(The part about not wandering.) Proofread just a little better. If you do that and improve each time, I believe you could be a great writer here, because of the way that some of your paragraphs and descriptions lured me. Good debut!

Your reading experience certainly paid off.

I thought this was one hell of a debut column.

A cool gimmick, very very few spelling/grammar errors, and despite being broken up into seperate parts, everything seemed to flow quite nicely.

So be proud of yourself for that. As for imaging and spacing and porno and all that, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it soon enough, trust me.

If you're really having trouble though, feel free to PM me for help. A nice column, good to have you on board.

Welcome to the CF Fennix. Good read here and I too am a fan of the gimmick you've got going on here maybe the last part of your column could be called "guilty or not guilty" and you could summarise all of your points into one conclusion and in the previous paragraphs make a case for both sides of the argument??

Just a suggestion. Well done on a very good debut column

I think Joe's "Closing Statements" might be a better move to make simply because Freeky's "Guilty or Not Guilty" implies that you will, you know, actually tell us what your verdict is;

Of course, this leads me to something else that should be pointed out.

You didn't give us your ultimate verdict on this issue, you let the readers take from it what they will, which isn't completely doing your job as a columnist.

Now, don't think that I'm taking anything huge away from you here, as this was a great debut.

My point is merely that we are reading your column to get your thoughts on issues, whether you put them in a straight forward format, a gimmicky one, or an abstract version, it doesn't matter--you need to tell us what you think;

Not ask us what you think.

Actually, you can do both.

You're on the right path dude, just be sure to give us more of YOUR thoughts and your're final verdict. Dude, you are the Judge, Jury, and muthafuckin' Prosecutor in this badboy.

Act on it. You won't regret it. Ah, but where are my manners?

My name is FutureDonkey and I am giving you the best advice in the world.

No, not really; Rommel, however, is giving awesome advice.

When I first clicked this link I checked the feedback first and then I read the column.

Turns out, Rommel was right on the money here.

Your content was top notch for a n00b all the way through...and then you go on a tangent about Michael Cole.

Stick to the subject.

Believe me, man, we all are busting with thought, concerns, pet peeves, sexual urges, and the like regarding wrestling, but (sadly) we can't get them all out (not properly, anyway) in every column.

And even though we may not enjoy being deprived of speaking every bit of our mind for the sake of the column's continuity, the great thing is that subject limiting will add to future subjects for your columns.

New material is always a great thing.

Blowing your whole load early is not. Moving away from criticism, good fucking job here, dude!

Personally, I blame the writers and those such as McMahon for the shitness of Cena/Orton, because they are the ones telling people to do whatever it is that they do.

I have no doubt in my mind that it was not Cena's idea to be SuperCena;

Therefore, I cannot blame the wrestlers.

Now, as for Randy, I like the guy and I defend his slow, methodical, and plodding nature to be due to something very well illustrated in the very first SpF on the Main Page (generous plug): RKO is the Terminator of the WWE.

The dude is a machine, he's a psychotic (well, he's supposed to be), and he's an overall bad mofo. Awesome debut, keep 'em coming.




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