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Is my girlfriend still really in love with me - eNotAlone

Over the past couple of months my partner of 6 years has been getting more and more distant.

About 2 weeks ago we had a arguement, nothing major and she said she wanted a break.

I ended up moving in with family for a few days.

She told me that she was not the person she used to be and she needed to find herself again.

I still love her and want to be with her. Life has not been easy as I had to leave my job and go on disability due to a severe illness.

I still work part time from home but don't get the income I used to and we cannot do as many things as we used to and there are certain jobs around the house I can no longer do.

I am awaiting surgery to try and correct my health problems. I understand that this would be extremely hard on her but I am a big believer in love conquering anything and I am not sure she feels the same.

A few days after the break I sent her a dozen red roses to her work with a message that said I will always love you and I am missing you. She seemed great on the phone that night and I asked if I could come home.

She said yes but she still needed space and would probably sleep in the spare room.

We ended up sleeping in the same bed, a few days later we had sex but it was like being with a blow up doll.

The next day I confronted her and said you did not want to have sex did you and she said no she still needs her space but she feels bad declining me all the time. Over the last year we only have sex about once or if I am lucky twice a month.

Now I am not with her just for sex, but to me it's how I express my love for her and I need it.

But it even goes further then that.

When we watch a movie, she sits on the other lounge, there is just no romance or affection in the relationship.

I want that. A few years back I asked her to marry me and she said no she was not ready.

We have discussed it and she says that I am the one she wants to spend her life with and she will marry me one day, but just not yet.

I know she still feels the same way by comments she makes when friends or family suggest it. I am so confused, she is giving me nothing to suggest that she still feels the same way.

Her words may say she does, but her actions don't.

She is often grumpy towards me and any signs of affection is shunned.

A few days ago it was our 6th anniversary and it was only a few days after I came back home.

I asked her if she remembered the day before and she said yes, but she did not get me anything.

She said I hope you did not get me anything.

Well actually I did, a card and chocolates and I was planning on taking her out for dinner and a movie, we still ended up doing the dinner and movie but I did not give her the card.

On the day she did not mention it and I spoke to her yesterday about it and she just said that with everything that had happened she was not in the mood to celebrate it. I know this has been a mammoth post but I do not know what to do.

I really don't think she loves me anymore, or more to the point she is not in love with me.

She may love me for what we once had, but the romance is gone.

I feel like she is just staying with me due to my health issues or she is unsure how to end it.

I have tried over and over again to understand what is going on, I just get the same answer "it's me, not you, I just need space" I have come on here to get some other peoples opinion.

I have heard a few from friends and family, some think she is cheating, others think she is just fed up of the way our lives have been since I got ill.

I don't know what to believe.

All I know is it is like living with a flatmate at the moment and not a partner.

I don't know how to get the spark back

I agree, her actions don't show the signs of a healthy loving relationship. Honestly...

I think you've been given the boot.

Her actions seem to stem from thinking that she doesn't what to hurt you state of mind. Personally I would consider saying that it's not working out and breaking up.

Yeah... I know it's harsh and it's going to hurt both of you.

Maybe a couple months of seperation and no contact will revive those feelings you once had for one another.

Then again, maybe it won't. One way or another you need to end this seemingly love-less cycle.

Again I agree with IMAbadman.

It seems you have a good idea of what is going on.

It really depends what you want to do here.

Unfortunately as much as you want to bring the spark back, it's not going to happen if she doesn't want to either.

Good luck, I experienced basically the same things when my relationship ended.

I knew it was coming to an end probably 5 months before it ever got there...

And in those 5 months I tried my best to keep things together or make it better, but it wasn't happening. I guess the only advice I could give it be as upfront with her as you can.

Let her know how you feel.

Try to work on things, but if you don't see her putting in the effort know you may have to break up.

Quote: : Again I agree with IMAbadman.

It seems you have a good idea of what is going on.

It really depends what you want to do here.

Unfortunately as much as you want to bring the spark back, it's not going to happen if she doesn't want to either.

Good luck, I experienced basically the same things when my relationship ended.

I knew it was coming to an end probably 5 months before it ever got there...

And in those 5 months I tried my best to keep things together or make it better, but it wasn't happening. I guess the only advice I could give it be as upfront with her as you can.

Let her know how you feel.

Try to work on things, but if you don't see her putting in the effort know you may have to break up.

Awww man... You can't always agree with me... Just kidding.

Thanks IMAbadman and testcase. I am thinking of trying a weekend away.

If that does not change anything then I know it's over and I will have to let go. I don't really think she wants to try and repair the relationship, I don't fully understand her reason for staying.

But I am pretty certain that she wants out. I think after 6 years it's worth trying the romantic weekend away.

Because I know I still love her, but it's up to her in the end.

All the flowers and weekends away mean nothing if she does not return the affection.

Quote: : Fusion Thanks IMAbadman and testcase. I am thinking of trying a weekend away.

If that does not change anything then I know it's over and I will have to let go. I don't really think she wants to try and repair the relationship, I don't fully understand her reason for staying.

But I am pretty certain that she wants out. I think after 6 years it's worth trying the romantic weekend away.

Because I know I still love her, but it's up to her in the end.

All the flowers and weekends away mean nothing if she does not return the affection .

I would advise against this plan.

I tried the same thing with my ex...took her away twice when I knew she wanted out.

I really wish that I hadn't and not just because of the money. You said it yourself...you've got to fix the core of the realtionship first or all of the romantic gestures in the world will mean nothing to her.

You tried the weekend/time away.

It didn't work the first time.

What did Einstein say, Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

After 6 years, perhaps counseling may help ..

Health issues are very difficult to deal with, and they change relationships drastically ..

If she loves you, perhaps she would be willing to go and discuss what her feelings are about you, herself, and the relationship.

Just something to consider: Even if something happens that does seem to bring back the spark, you may always be wondering if she's being genuine with her feelings from now on, or you may always be worried that she's going to feel this way again.

When a relationship reaches this point, it is very difficult to repair it completely.

Your relationship appears to be extremely damaged, and even if you find a way to "fix" it the memories of what's happening now could very possibly always be in the back of your mind. I know you've put a lot of time and effort into the relationship, and I know you really love her.

But just because you love someone doesn't mean it's meant to be forever...unfortunately.

Mentee, I would love to give counseling a try but I know she will not go for that.

I have in the past suggested it.

This is not the first rough patch we have been thru, but it it by far the worse and never has she been this distant or requested a break before. Pinkrobot, I know what you are saying, it will always be at the back of my mind even if we do repair the relationship.




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