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Who am I? Why am I? Where am I going? Why am I going there? - MotheringDotCommunity Forums
What's the point?
There is a point, right?
What is it again?
Wait which point did I think was THE point?
Do I still think that point is THE point?
Ok yeah I am probably making no sense, sorry.
Pretty much I am feeling like I woke up in the middle of the desert completely alone with no idea how I got there or if I am there for a reason and especially not knowing which way to go.
There are things I am realizing and accepting that I realize about my life...
I don't like any of the communities I belong to.
I haven't for a long time but now I am admitting it and now I am allowing myself to wonder if I should still be a part of these groups if they are making me feel so....
Well, awful. I've been ignoring who I am and what I love for so long because I have been so busy and also trying to fit into a mold.
I guess I have been busy trying to fit into that mold.
I thought that was the "right" thing to do and now I am wondering what sort of laced kool aid I have been drinking to believe that non sense.
I don't like my life or where it is going.
The odd thing is it's not the marrying young, having babies young, having lots of babies, leaving school, etc etc that I am not liking.
I have no regrets there.
It's that I have lost who I am in order to- you guessed it- fit into that mold.
And you know I never fit into it very well.
I was spilling out of the sides sense day one.
But yeah I feel like I have just woken up and looked in the mirror and I am not standing there but some distorted "prettied up" version of me is.
I have no idea where I am or where I am going.
Did I already mention that?
I think I did with the desert analogy.
Can't stress it enough though.
My beliefs. My values.
My ideals. Uh....
Why do I have them?
I mean there are some I just wholeheartedly believe in but I feel like I have been taking them in the wrong direction or neglecting the really important ones.
"The point". What is the point to life in general?
What is the point to MY life?
A That's pretty much me.
Thoughts?
Suggestions?
Commiseration?
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Yes, feeling the same way.
I don't fit into any "mold"...I am simply me.
But who is this "me" and why is she here?
That is a very difficult question.
Meditating has been helping as well as listening to my heart as much as possible.
When I start to try to fit into what I feel I'm "supposed" to be, I feel even more lost.
Try to let go of that voice as much as you can and embrace the still, subtle voice inside of you which often can only be heard when you let go of needing an answer.
As hard as it can be, letting go of trying to find your purpose or who you are is fundamental to listening to your inner voice and discovering who you are.
This is what I keep going back to...so far, I feel more at peace....still not so sure who I "am", but there's less of a burning desire to figure this out.
I feel more and more comfortable just letting things be and trusting that anything I need to know will be revealed to me when the time is right.
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Midlife crisis.
not a bad thing.
its more about enough of ignoring yourself.
how i have no idea?
suggestions - pretty hard i see with new twins.
however just the fact you are asking and wanting change is key.
keep looking - never give up.
i had that same feeling after my marriage broke up.
However for me it was discovering my passion.
Starting school. i am flourishing.
In mind body and soul.
I am the happiest i have ever been.
the key for me was looking.
Trying various different things.
Taking every opportunity that came my way.
Motherhood was fulfilling but not enough.
i think as you look for answers - life happens.
Life hands it to you.
for me the greatest was to listen to that inner voice.
To do the things i feared the most.
The more i listened, the more the voice got louder, the more fulfilled i became.
the greatest thing i discovered is how much i enjoyed spending time with myself.
How much i truly enjoy doing activities alone, going out to eat, reading a book in a park, going to art shows, watching a movie - just by myself.
i used to complain that i am not meeting the kind of people i want to meet.
Then i looked into my life and discovered i wasnt living the kind of people i wanted to meet.
So instead of waiting i started living the kind of life i was demanding from others.
I am tired of bullshit and i want people to give it to me straight.
Dont worry about if i am going to get hurt or not - but truly just tell me exactly how you feel.
But no one wants to say that.
So i decided then i need to show them the way.
So the other day when an acquaintence asked me if he drove like an old woman, i said yes - but those are your words.
You drive slow. if you want to call that like an old lady then those are your words u have chosen.
i wonder if you should read firmen if you havent already and if you are a reader.
I love the life of the writer who kinda writes about his dilema.
He is a doctorate from yale in philosophy and thru the mouse talks about how its hard to find people that understand him.
He got bored teaching at yale and instead got blue collar jobs, like construction.
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/writer...sp?cid=1649384
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Thanks for the replies!
Midlife crises?!?!?!?!
I just recently hit 24!
But with the life I have led I can see it.
I have definitely noticed that I want to do more things that I LOVE.
I love to learn and I love to read.
I have been thinking of online classes and I am trying to make library trips more common as well as seeking out topics I want to study by myself.
Right now I am really fascinated with grammar (well pretty much the English language as a whole) and the history and art of reading and books.
By fascinated I mean bordering on passionate.
It and the life and teachings of Christ really do feel like the only things I know about myself.
The thing is these are things I have been "into" for a long time but they have changed.
I have always loved to read but that love has depended and expanded in a way I wasn't expecting and didn't even know existed.
I am also viewing Christ and his life and teachings much differently then I ever have which greatly surprises me.
Both of these fascinations just feel good and "right".
But they are really all that does.
I know there is more to me then just that, yk?
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I think this kind of faith crisis often happens right after having a baby (or babies!
) But this is not to say it is a "common" experience.
It is an important period of birth for the new child, and REbirth for the mother.
What new layer are you adding to your identity (to your soul!) this time around?
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