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You WANT me to discipline your kid??? (CRAZY UNBRADY EXTENDED FAMILY)
This thread is a parallel to the Disciplining other people's children thread.
I was at a baby shower for the Unbrady Wife (Jan) this past weekend.
Children were invited to this shower, and I chose to leave my 2.5 year old at home.
Jan brought her 2.5 year old dd.
And Jan's sister's 6 year old dd was there as well.
The Unbrady's Husband's (Greg) step sister's 5 year old ds was present as well.
There were no other boys/men present, except for the 5 year old.
The 5 year old is normally a big rambunctious, but is somewhat corralled by his mother - but mostly by his grandparents (grandparents were not present at the event).
During the (seemingly unending) portion of present opening time, the 5 year old kept climbing in and out of my lap.
I've seen this 5 year old at a few events, maybe a total of 6 times in my/his entire life.
He is related to me by the fact that he is my husband's cousin's stepsister's child.
This is not a terribly close rel@tionship as we RARELY see cousin's stepsister.
I am currently 7 months pregnant (and even if I wasn't), I don't enjoy having a 60lb 5 year old jumping into my lap.
He continues to climb all over me and I'm getting a bit irritated.
Earlier he kept telling me to get up and play with him.
I then reminded him to use his pleases and thank yous (if my two year old can do it, he can do it) and played with him for a little bit.
I drew the line when he constantly wanted me to get up or sit down and play with him.
Eventually his mother (after about 20 minutes) notices that I'm not too keen on her little bundle of joy jumping all over me.
She tells me to just push him off my lap and tell him to go away.
If I wanted to push children off my lap, I would have brought my own kid.
And my kid is so much more well behaved.
She knows to either sit down on the floor quietly and play or sit in my lap and snuggle, either one is a choice and that choice can't be changed every 3 seconds.
What parent actually allows a child to jump on a pregnant woman?
FWIW when the 5 year old started doing that I told him to sit in my lap nicely or sit on the floor, because there is no jumping on me allowed.
Who tells someone else to discipline their child?
Seriously if that was my kid, I would have taken him to the car, and either made him sit in time out for 5 minutes or spanked him.
But in all seriousness, what do you do when some gives you reign to discipline their child?
My discipline may seem mean, but then again my kid behaves so I rarely have to discipline.
I just don't know how to appropriately respond when a parent basically admits that they're unwilling to control their child and they'd prefer you do it for them.
And to think at this event, I left my kid at home so I wouldn't have to be "responsible" or actively parent for a little while.
FWIW when I first arrived at the party he took an immediate shining to me and I tried to be gracious about it.
Until he said, that he hated my DH (he doesn't know my DH) and everyone at the party wrote it off that he had a crush on me.
And when I was leaving the party and saying goodbye to everyone including him, he told me he hated me.
He also told several other people he hated them as well though.
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I would have asked him if he knew the meaning of the phrase "The feeling is mutual".
Really, it sounds like his mom was relieved to having him bug someone else.
Send her a bill.
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Quote: from: IndianInlaw on February 06, 2007, 02:58:59 PM I would have asked him if he knew the meaning of the phrase "The feeling is mutual".
Really, it sounds like his mom was relieved to having him bug someone else.
Send her a bill.
I second that idea!
After all babysitters these days make an arm and a leg, that extra cash would probably make the whole experience worth it!
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Well, I am glad you actually said something to the kid rather than allowing it to continue to happen (and complaining later).
If she suggests you discipline her kid again, simply say "You dont want me to discipline your kid.
I guarantee you wont like it.
Please make sure he stays off my lap." and move on.
Again, my line with kids is when they are directly interacting with me, I say something - and he was definitely directly interacting with you enough for you to speak up if the mom was not going to.
I am not sure how far this extends (physically getting him off if he refuses to get off?
I have gotten physical with my niece before, but it was because we were in a parking lot, and even though there was no immediate danger, I felt the need to impress upon her the idea that there could have been, but I am uncomfortable in general being physical with other people's children, relatesd to me or not)
just a thought.
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I'm totally with you about the not wanting to get even remotely physical with someone else's child.
Pushing a kid off my lap to me that's even more physical then I want to get.
I don't want to get blamed if I'm forcibly removing precious from myself and precious somehow manages to get hurt or whatever.
It really shouldn't have become my job to parent her kid.
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Quote: from: mrsbrandt on February 06, 2007, 03:27:45 PM I'm totally with you about the not wanting to get even remotely physical with someone else's child.
Pushing a kid off my lap to me that's even more physical then I want to get.
I don't want to get blamed if I'm forcibly removing precious from myself and precious somehow manages to get hurt or whatever.
It really shouldn't have become my job to parent her kid.
Or even just claims to have been hurt.
You shouldn't have to speak up, but sometimes they give you no choice.
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You're right I shouldn't have had to speak up, but even after I did speak up the mother didn't actually want to do anything about it.
She didn't even tell her kid to get off my lap - that at the very least would have been acceptable to me.
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Quote: from: mrsbrandt on February 06, 2007, 05:00:52 PM You're right I shouldn't have had to speak up, but even after I did speak up the mother didn't actually want to do anything about it.
She didn't even tell her kid to get off my lap - that at the very least would have been acceptable to me.
Perhaps then a gentle moving of the kid to the seat next to you/floor would have been appropriate, in this case...
though she said she may not have minded if you spoke to him, when you actually touched him, mommabear might have been awoken...
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I have no problem telling the kid to get off me and that I did.
I'm just really shocked that a mother would ask someone to "push him off my lap" and tell him to go away.
I'd feel bad telling anyone to go away, much less a 5 year old.
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I am sorry I would have no problem telling a 5 year old to stay off my lap right now and go bug his own mother.
That I was not interested in playing.
I wouldn't allow anyone's child to climb all over me and if the parents did not want me telling him so they would have to remove him from the situation.
I do not think it is 'rude' to set boundaries.
I am sorry but I am not as nice as other people here and I can not imagine allowing this situation to continue.
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Quote: from: mrsbrandt on February 06, 2007, 02:47:36 PM But in all seriousness, what do you do when some gives you reign to discipline their child?
My discipline may seem mean, but then again my kid behaves so I rarely have to discipline.
I just don't know how to appropriately respond when a parent basically admits that they're unwilling to control their child and they'd prefer you do it for them.
Ugh, I despise being put in that situation.
My former best friend (now brother's gf) is the worst for doing it though.
She refuses to discipline her son and either 1) Threatens him with "Aunt Rhon" doing something with him or 2) Just stays silent until he gets so bad that I do speak up (i.e.
Throwing food in the resturant, slapping one of my children or destroying a jig saw puzzle I had worked hours on).
She knows that I can't stand to be around ill behaved children and that sooner or later my temper/patience will get the best of me.
I am in the same boat as you, my children are well behaved so I rarely have to call them out so she seems to think that I should be able to work wonders with her son as well.
The thing is my kids learnt from the beginning to behave and listen to me, her son is now 5 and to be honest what he needs is....well, I don't spank but I think it might work wonders with that child.
You did the right thing by just speaking to the child but I'm not sure I could have restrained myself.
I have got to the point where I have told friend that it isn't her son that has issues and that she is the one I would really like to do something with.
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Me -- I was the 3 year old that wanted to "play" with her older cousins (20 years older) and Mom told me once that I was "delivered" to her hanging by the back of my overalls with the comment that -- we don't want her anymore -- more than once.
No you shouldn't push the kid off your lap like his mom said, but you don't have to put up with it either.
I think that I might have developed a "headache" and went home early.
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I do not liked to be touched.
I don't care if its an adult or a child, unwanted touch is unwanted touch.
I would have asked the Mom for help, and if none was forthcoming, I would have left.
But that is me. At this point in my life, I will not stay in a situation that makes me uncomfortable.
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Quote: from: mrsbrandt on February 06, 2007, 02:47:36 PM But in all seriousness, what do you do when some gives you reign to discipline their child?
"That's your job.
If you're not willing to do it, I'm afraid I'll have to leave."
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In most situations I would have left.
But I had crashed my car literally a few hours before the shower and wound up getting a ride there with my MIL.
If you've gotten a ride with someone are you still supposed to leave early, even if it means inconveniencing another person?
Wouldn't that be considered rude as well?
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