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alcohol during pregnancy - Exmo-Social.com
I want to hear some opinions
a very close friend is about to start trying for a baby..mind you after years of waiting..it's all she's been going on about for months..
anyway, in a conversation about alcohol, she casually mentioned she was going to cut back her drinking to only one glass of wine a day during pregnancy, citing a little old lady as the person who assure her a glass a day actually has BENEFITS during pregnancy..
this friend is a fairly heavy drinker when it comes to socialising, so she knows that can cause harm, but she seems adamant that it's not necessary to give it up for 9 months..
would you say anything or is it smarter to shut up?
This is a friend who feels it's ok to share her opinions with the world, but is kind of fragile when anyone speaks up with an opposing view..
I could seriously use some input
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Please don't MYOB on this matter.
What is wrong with this woman?
She may not think she'd drink enough to cause Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but there is NO level of alcohol consumption that has been deemed safe during pregnancy.
Alcohol crosses the placenta and interferes with the levels of oxygen and nourishment needed for normal body development, brain development, etc.
Less-reported FAE(Fetal Alcohol Effect) may not be as apparent in a baby, but can still cause problems such as:
-Lower birth weight
-Curvature of the spine and scoliosis
-Hip dislocations
-limited movement of joints
-small head size
-microcephalia
-Facial abnormalities such as small eye openings, drooping eyelids, nearsightedness, inability for eyes to track in the same direction, crossed eyes, small jaw, smaller ears.
-Organ deformities that may go undiagnosed until later in life such as heart chamber problems, heart murmer, kidney and urinary tract malformities
-abnormal arrangement of brain cells and connective tissue
-Learning disabilities
-ADD, ADHD
-Poor hand and eye coordination
We did some serious, in depth research on FAS, FAE, and Fetal drug exposure when contemplating adoption through foster care.
Every professional that we spoke with was in agreement that the effect of FAS are WORSE that fetal drug exposure.
Any woman who wants to bring a child into this world should do so responsibly and give that baby the best chance, starting with a healthy pregnancy.
Due to the risks involved, it is recommended that ALL women give up alchohol completely before conception if possible because the first few weeks when a woman might not even know she's pregnant are the most critical to development.
On a personal note, we were not informed by Desi's case worker(nor was our social worker) that Desi possibly had FAS or FAE until we had already decided to accept placement for adoption.
She was tested thoroughly at the UC Davis Mind institute for problems associated with FAS/FAE and drug exposure at six months old and one year.
They feared microcephalia and thankfully her brain development turned out to be ok.
She does have smaller than average eyes, head, feet, and hands;
A slightly malformed spine;
And I'm pretty sure she has ADD too.
Her birth mother admitted that she smoked pot occasionally and that she drank on average, two twelve ounce beers per day.
That does not seem like a whole lot, but it surely affected my daughter.
I wouldn't know how to approach your friend or a friend of mine in this sitation, but somebody needs to educate this woman since she doesn't seem to know the risks involved or worse, doesn't care.
As for wha I'd do, I think I'd tell her the risks and if she thinks it's worth her glass a day, then that's her decision.
Best of luck Kate.
I know how hard it can be to see people you care about do stupid things.
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Oh, and Desi was also a low birthweight, her eyes were crossed slightly, and she could not track properly until she was well over a year old.
They did straighten out eventually, but we were one doctor's visit away from having to patch an eye to strengthen the other.
I noticed they were straightening and refused to do it until the next visit.
The doctor trusted my observations and we avoided a long, horrific battle with eye patches, overcorrection, re-patching, etc.
I know the battle well, my premature sister went through it as a babe.
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FAS is especially sad because it is one of few birth defects that can be easily prevented.
I agree with Foo, but I think that if your "friend" is really this sick and selfish , nothing you or anyone says will matter.
Personally, I would still try.
Give her the info, let her know that FAS is the leading known cause of mental retardation, show her photos of FAS kids, and if that fails, attack her with a depo shot, or at least know that you tried.
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Thanks Jenn & Ms C, I really appreciate the input.
I did actually send an email the other day..as follows, but I wanted a second opinion of the issue without being tainted by my thoughts expressed already..
Dear XXXX
XXXX mentioned something to me after we caught up last time that freaked me out a little.
It's probably not what you want to hear, so I'll say my bit then butt the hell out, but you both are very special people & if I didn't care, I wouldn't bother.
The thing is, you mentioned about still being able to drink alcohol while pregnant, & that an older friend (Italian or something??) had said there were benefits in having a glass of wine a day during pregnancy.
There are no definitive studies that show that any light level of drinking is ok, let alone beneficial.
Kind of sounds more like an old wives tale!
Spend some time reading the loads of stuff online if you're interested, but basically any alcohol will transmit quickly through the placenta & into the baby's blood stream & even the slightest amount you have, will be highly concentrated in the blood of your bub, which can cause damage to the developing organs, but particularly the brain.
You've said you were taking folate to give your child the best chances of health, guess I was wondering if you'd really thought the drinking thing through.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do & I'll never raise this again, but my concern is that you have spent so many years wanting to have a beautiful, healthy kid & you'd be playing russian roulette to drink any amount while pregnant.
I want whats best for you guys seriously & yeah I debated whether or not to say anything, or if I should just send it to (husband) & let him deal with it as he thought best, but I'll take my chances &perhaps incur your wrath ..XXXX hun, you have always been blunt about what you think & believe in.
This is something close to my heart & that I wanted to say.
It's not just the physical development of then baby, there is enough data to show issues in behaviour & intelligence later in life also.
At the very least, just read some info & even if you think its all crap because you've known someone who drank & their kid is ok, at least you'll have the peace of mind knowing you made a fully informed choice.
Whatever your choice is, I will love you & respect it unconditionally.
I've expressed my thoughts, so do with it as you will
http://www.ama.com.au/web.nsf/doc/WEEN-6FSVM4
Kate xx
In response to it, I got a Dear Kate, thanks for your opinion, XXXX and have heard nothing since, a big sign of her (& her husband) having cracked the shits big time for my meddling!
I will drop the subject with them now, as I promised, but I wanted some feedback from the collective wisdom here at exmo about the subject..
If any of you reading this find the email offensive & would have also been hurt to receive it, thats cool, I can handle hearing that.
I'm at a bit of a loss to know what to do next.
I don't feel like apologising..but maybe I should for getting involved in something that was none of my business
If I didn't love these guys so much, I seriously wouldn't have bothered.
argh!!
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Someone truly committed to the health and well being of their child wouldn't find your email offensive.
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I'm glad you said something.
A friend of mine is pregnant and at the beginning of her pregnancy she said she had been told by another friend that it was ok to drink providing she didn't drink enough to be sick.
I just went off. I told her I couldn't believe anyone was that dumb to say that and didn't she ever read about FAS?
Between me, her husband, and my husband she decided not to drink at all during the pregnancy.
Hopefully your friend will read up on FAS and decide not to drink.
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Please, PLEASE stress to her that the most damage is done during the 1st trimester when people do not even know that they are pregnant.
If she is a binge drinker and trying to get pregnant, please try to get her to curb her drinking while she is trying.
Just remember her actions can affect the child's entire life, whereas it's only a few months out of hers.
WTF is wrong with people?
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I had the occasional glass of wine with both of my pregnancies;
Mind you, I am a casual, not heavy, drinker.
Both of my kids were born over 8 lbs.
And they are very healthy.
I have an older friend that was recommended by her doctor to drink a glass of wine every day during her pregnancy and her kids are fine as well.
However, I agree with JenBen that the child's life comes first.
It really is a small sacrifice for 9 months.
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Kate,
Something your friend needs to realize, too, is that drinking may actually hinder her ability to get pregnant if she has other physical issues.
I tried for almost 4 years to get pregnant and I firmly believe that cutting way back on my drinking is what finally allowed me to conceive.
Also, I tried to have the occasional glass of wine while pregnant - and I couldn't.
It made me sick and I got geographic tongue horribly with anything even slightly acidic, so she may find that she can't physically handle it.
It would probably just be better to cut it out completely.
And, no, I don't think your letter was offensive in the slightest.
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It may be unpopular here, but I don't think that women should have to completely stop drinking throughout pregnancy.
I drank a half glass of champagne on new years and a sip of beer now and then.
I have met lots of people who disagree that women should not drink ANY alcohol whatsoever during pregnancy - and who don't believe women should take tylenol or even other "schedule b" sort of approved meds.
Or put on bug spray or even body lotion.
I would not have survived my pregnancy without tylenol.
I didn't take it a lot, but maybe 5 or 6 times it helped me sleep.
But yes - one glass of wine a day is not good from what I've heard and read.
On the other hand, back in the 50s, it was recommended by doctors.
And - from what I hear in France, it's also okay (maybe chanson can confirm this)?
I guess all I'm saying is - sometimes I think in our society people get very nosy (and in their business) about pregnant moms.
It's hard enough being pregnant.
Why do strangers think it's their business - come up to you in the store or whatever and tell you you should or should not do something (why are you eating chips?
Those are empty calories - you shouldn't drink caffeine at all etc.)...
Please don't misunderstand me, I think your email Kate was a good thing and will hopefully start a discussion for your friend and her husband.
And FAS is very dangerous.
We have an adult friend who had FAS and has had lots of developmental issues.
I'm just saying that sometimes it's hard to be a pregnant mom in our society.
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Quote: : Kate,
Something your friend needs to realize, too, is that drinking may actually hinder her ability to get pregnant if she has other physical issues.
I tried for almost 4 years to get pregnant and I firmly believe that cutting way back on my drinking is what finally allowed me to conceive.
Also, I tried to have the occasional glass of wine while pregnant - and I couldn't.
It made me sick and I got geographic tongue horribly with anything even slightly acidic, so she may find that she can't physically handle it.
It would probably just be better to cut it out completely.
And, no, I don't think your letter was offensive in the slightest.
I was going to mention this, too.
In the beginning, she may be completely nauseated at the thought of drinking anything.
I also got a bionic nose, and I could smell a cigarette from a mile away.
It would make me practically throw up.
So, I think nature tries to handle some of those things, to an extent.
I also don't think that an occasional drink is the end of the world, but I would encourage total abstinence for the 1st trimester.
Their brains and organs are being developed so why take a chance?
It's weird because I wasn't allowed to take Advil, but my doctor prescribed Vicodin.
I had migraines so bad for so long that I needed something.
I took a couple, but it was no biggie.
I think that prolonged pain/discomfort can could be worse that a pill/drink/cigarrette now and then.
I just think the ideal scenario is to make the best choices possible even if that means making some sacrifices.
I also had a friend whose doctor told her to have a cigarette now and then because quitting made her so stressed that it could be harmful.
It's not the ideal situation, but it was an improvement over smoking constantly.
I think she eventually quit, but not having the added guilt of smoking one on occassion made it easier to do so.
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Quote: : It may be unpopular here, but I don't think that women should have to completely stop drinking throughout pregnancy.
I drank a half glass of champagne on new years and a sip of beer now and then.
I have met lots of people who disagree that women should not drink ANY alcohol whatsoever during pregnancy - and who don't believe women should take tylenol or even other "schedule b" sort of approved meds.
Or put on bug spray or even body lotion.
I would not have survived my pregnancy without tylenol.
I didn't take it a lot, but maybe 5 or 6 times it helped me sleep.
But yes - one glass of wine a day is not good from what I've heard and read.
On the other hand, back in the 50s, it was recommended by doctors.
And - from what I hear in France, it's also okay (maybe chanson can confirm this)?
I guess all I'm saying is - sometimes I think in our society people get very nosy (and in their business) about pregnant moms.
It's hard enough being pregnant.
Why do strangers think it's their business - come up to you in the store or whatever and tell you you should or should not do something (why are you eating chips?
Those are empty calories - you shouldn't drink caffeine at all etc.)...
Please don't misunderstand me, I think your email Kate was a good thing and will hopefully start a discussion for your friend and her husband.
And FAS is very dangerous.
We have an adult friend who had FAS and has had lots of developmental issues.
I'm just saying that sometimes it's hard to be a pregnant mom in our society.
A few sips now and then, a glass at a special event, etc, isn't a big deal.
It's the daily drinking.
I don't have a problem with a PG gal having a bit now and then, but regular drinking is bad for the baby.
I seriuosly don't understand why any mother who has the decision to possibly prevent harm to their child would choose to ignore the warnings.
Sure, some people may drink regularly when pregnant and their kids might be fine.
But how are we to know if they did indeed suffer damage?
We don't know what their level of intelligence and development may have been otherwise.
My Desi is a normal, happy, healthy(although spirited) toddler of normal intelligence and development, but who's to say she might not have been above average, or even gifted if her mother had stayed away from alcohol?
There's no knowing what will happen.
A child may have ADD and developmental issues anyway, despite the healthiest pregnancy.
It's a coin toss no matter how you look at it, but if there's a chance that you can prevent something from going wrong with the development of your child, then why wouldn't you?
-Kate, I am glad that you went with your conscience and wrote your friend.
Your letter was heartfelt and deeply caring.
Hopefully your friend realizes that you only did it because you love her.
She might be a bit miffed right now, but she'll get over it.
Hopefully she will take what you told her and do some research for herself.
-Ava, I completely understand about others nosing into the business of pregnant mothers.
It's hard to be pregnant, let alone have everyone telling you what to, and not to do.
Class B medications taken on occasion for the comfort of the mother are one thing, daily drinking is another.
Hell, I was on Vicodin and anti-inflammatories for a month in my last trimester due to Pleurisy.
You have to do what you have to do to get through.
I wouldn't expect pregnant moms to suffer in misery when some Tylenol and Sudafed might help them out now and again.
But to choose to risk the well being of a child simply so you can enjoy your daily drink is unbelievably stupid and selfish as I'm sure you would agree.
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The amount of alcohol that you are able to drink safely while pregnant, why bother???
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Just a quick note of thanks to you all for taking the time to respond & ease my mind.
The matter is still not resolved but anywhoo..
thanks all, you know you're all wonderful, right??!!
mwah
Kate xx
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I make sure all my children get plenty of booze.
The younger the better.
Why not start while still in the womb?
Seriously though, I don't think pregnant chicks should drink at all.
I've never heard it was actually GOOD for the baby.
But, it's not an issue that I've ever been concerned with (my ex-wife and I never drank at all when she was preggers so it was a non-issue).
Nort
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