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HI BIRTH MOTHERS..ADVICE AND UNDERSTANDING NEEDED!!!! - boards.ie
Hi
I am a 40 year old woman,
adopted,five days after I was born.
Let me start by saying I am at a place where I thank my Mother for giving birth to me..
So come to ask for advice from a place of respect..
I need to understand from a Mother who gave up a childs point of view,
I grow up in a family where some of us were adopted and some were not,
I always felt there was something wrong with me but since reading and dealing with these issues understand now this is normal.
As the natural Mother Child bond is one of the strongest in the world...
Belive it or not I still get afraid someone might find out Im a misfit,
my stuff not my Birth Mothers.
Now please tell me the Birth Mums side,
I have put a trace on my Mum and they have found her!
Wow scarey..
On taking the phone call she ackowledged me straight away,
and also said I was always on her mind,
(that felt great)
I was born within a relationship.was adopted and my parents stayed together,for a time after my bith..
She left,met her husband married had no children,he has since died,
This I cant understand she never told him about me,she told nobody only my Dad
How??
Not friends,sisters etc..
So now I belive she is in shock as she never expected for me to turn up now..
As nobody knows it would be easy to keep it all a secret.
Can anyone relate to the time 1968,
and what She is going through.
I need to see her point.
Im here,and she also has two grandchildren,
Its not over yet but Im scared so near and yet so far...
Thanks so much g.
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Am not a birth mother but just wanted to wish you luck in your search and personal closure i can imagine...
though trust me that secret can easily be kept my bm only told my bf and her sister - her sister is dead now and my bf was a married man with 3 children so dont think he was going to let cat out of bag
my bm went to dublin she was from the country - she worked here gave birth and went back down the country
therefore no one else was told even her parents never knew bout me....
anyways if you ever wanna chat you can private message me anytime
best of luck again
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Hi.
I sound so silly.Im here reading threads,and wanted to reply to some but didnt know how?
Hope i have got it right now,
I just cant get my head around it maybe its the person I am.
Or the day and age we live in.
But I am so frightened and confused..
I understand she needs to come to terms with it,
But from my life experiences,things you do will always come back..
ps.thanks.
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Hi,
My mum was adopted in the 60s.
She has found my biological-grandmother.
It's very nice to know my grandmother and see parts of her in my personality.
I'm very proud of her, and I'm honoured to know who she is.
I know her story, and what's most important to me now is spending time with her.
What you need to understand is that Ireland was a completely different world in the 60s.
And you can't change the way society was back then.
You are, however, in control of the future, so my advise is...
Make the most of the relationship you can have with your birth mother today and in the future.
Don't let what happened in the past control what you can do today.
It's difficult to forgive, but once you do, you can maximise the potential that the future has to offer you.
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Hi,
thankyou for replying,
I do forgive but cant understand why she may not want to know me.
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Hi, first of all well done in finding your birthmother, i suppose we are very much alike i am also 40 was adopted at 3 months i also have a brother who was adopted and two siblings who where my adoptive parents natural children.
i am sure your mother will welcome you once she gets over the shock, my mother never told anyone about me only my birthfather, and 2 of her 6 sisters knew.
I suppose to understand them we have to understand the generation they came from.in the 60s and early 70s a girl who found herself in trouble had no options the catholic church ran the country and these girls where made to feel shameful they where told it would better for their babies to be reared in good catholic homes without the stigma of being a bastard.
i wish you the best, i wish i was in your position my birthmother died and i never got to meet her, so many unanswered questions kathy
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