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Mothers Day Blues???? - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum
Hi Ladies
I'm in a bit of a spot about upcoming Mothers Day.
The last few years i sort of just shugged off having another year go by not being a mum....but this year i feel really down about it to the point i don't even want to spend the day with my own mother .
I feel really bad about that.
I have also been invited by my MIL to a Mothers Day do, but the idea of going is just appalling (being pretty much the only female who isn't a mum there).
How do people cope?
Anyone planning to do something different / special?
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Your mum will understand that this will be especially difficult for you, wont she?
Personally, I would see her the day before and do something with dh on mothers day...just spend it like any other Sunday.
I only join with my sister (+ bil & nephew) in seeing our mother and they never made a big deal about it being mothers day, just a chance to see one another.
The counselling advice from my clinic about dealing with social occasions is very good...basically you do what suits you.
If you can't cope with being around others, do something for yourself on these days or limit your time with others.
(I learnt to avoid the outlaws years ago because they are breeders IKYWIM)
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JFB - Absolutely totally understandable with what you have just been through!
Your mum and your family should realise that this is a hard time for you and i'm sure they would understand that you dont want to be sociable ...especially mothers day!
Last year i was in hospital having a D&C because of m/c just 5 days before mothers day.
At the time my family did not know we were doing ivf and we just put on a brave face and had the good ole happy family day on mothers day....until driving home in the car i just broke down.
Looking back now i think i was still in shock and the m/c hadn't sunk in because this year i'm finding it a lot harder.
Ive decided to not see my mum on sunday...she now knows about the ivf so i am hoping (then again??) she will understand (she hasn't been the most supportive or sensitive to us so far!)
we've decided we are going to be selfish this year and we aren't going to do anything/or go anywhere/ or see anyone that we don't want to....actually i think its more correct to call it self preservation!
Just make sure you take good care of yourselves and do whatever you feel up to doing...dont push yourself into anything that will upset you, its the last thing you want right now.
For everyone here who will be struggling on mothers day take care
YY
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Jfb how funny that u mention it, i thought i was being so selfish...
i made a comment wen we were pregnant that even though our baby wont b born, do i get a mothers day present?
Now i think that was the stupidest thing iv eva said, eva, cause i keep thinking about the mc now!!!
i kinda avioded thinking about mothers day then.
But i am going out to dinner with mine and some siblings.
we will cope, because we are all amazing strong women (and we dont really have a chioce LOL)
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Hi
Lnw and ladies: yep same here, i was hoping to get a "mum to be" card and now i feel stupid....
I spoke to DH last night as he was umming and ahhing about going to his mother day (MIL) do on sunday..but we decided we will go for a bushwalk and i might cook a nice dinner at home, i will ring and tell my mum we will do something next week.
Thanks. Yes it can be a hard time but i guess we just have to do what we need to do.
YY: i cann't beleive u managed to get through that dinner last year how truly awful for you....
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Oh i hate anything to do with celebrating someone elses fertility!!!
Damn mothers day, damn all of those fertile women who dont deserve to celebrate being a mother.
I hate it!
eta: I do love hanging round people who deserve being mummies!
I have friends who are mummies and boy do i love seeing them with their kids!
They are lovely mummies!
Each year you go through these milestones that once again remind you that your heart is empty.
That your life isnt complete.
That you dont have 'your' family.
I think sometimes i think "just suck it up and think about someone else but yourself".
*shrug* Its a hard one but for me, going to kids birthday parties is the worst!!!
A) your invited but your the only couple without kids.
b) You have to watch parents swoon over their precious bundles and hug and love them
oh its just so much more hurtful.
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Thanks JFB for posting this thread, it's reassuring to know I am not the only one who feels this way.
Every year I can't help but think ....
This will be the last year, and every year I am more and more disappointed we don't have our own bundle of joy.
Thankfully this year will be fairly low key for us.
We will be visiting both my mum and MIL but not expecting to see others there.
I have a SIL who makes her son wish me happy mothers day (we are his godparents).
I know it is well intended but this upsets me even more.
Wishing everyone lots of love and light for Sunday and amen to LnW - we are amazing strong women!!!
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I've got 3 mother's day events to go to and I really would rather go away for the weekend and forget about the whole thing .
I told my husband that I'll do mother's day events & kid's birthdays but I don't think I can stomach anymore baby showers.
Mother's Day sucks!!!
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My wonderful mum, bless her cotton socks, as we got older told us it was a commercial 'hallmark' wate of money and that she felt loved and appreciated every day so no need to make Mothers Day any different.
So maybe I am lucky it has never been a big thing per se, so therefore no need to be emotionally vested in it given there are other days coming up that will cause my husband and I pain....
Such as yesterday when our baby's birth/death certificate arrived in the mail
But I just need to focus on each day as it comes and try not to prempt how I 'might' feel on each day.
x
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